Congrats — you’re gonna be a pops, a daddy, a dadd-io! There is so much excitement (nerves too I’m sure), and there are SO many things to think about! I’m sure your to-do list is long. And the mom-to-be nesting urge getting stronger by the day! You’ll be busy gathering everything you’ll need to bring your newborn home . You’ll research ways to support your partner during labor. But there is one thing that is almost never on a mom’s list. We’re here to give you the inside scoop: she’ll want a postpartum doula. And supporting her to hire a postpartum doula makes you a hero. Here’s why:
The first year of having a new baby will rock your world.
You will love that little baby more than life itself, but that little 6-10-pound bundle can create true chaos, especially in the first weeks. You may both soon know what it’s like to recover from a long labour. You’ll have sleepless nights, constantly worrying about your baby’s weight gain.
You may see your partner spend hours breastfeeding in tears. And then more sleepless nights, and irregular meal times (if you remember to eat at all). You might be ready to head back to work and be leaving your partner all alone to sit with her thoughts and endless questions:
- Am I doing this motherhood thing right?
- When can I stop counting poops and pees?
- Why doesn’t my time as a mom look like it does on Instagram?!
Yes, this is life with a newborn. Having a baby is the real deal. All full of love and super sweet memories of course, but also filled with newborn fog and the hardest work you and your partner have ever done in your life.
There is nothing that can equip moms for the physical and emotional toll of having a baby. Show up for them in this.
They just GREW and BIRTHED a human! That of itself is incredible and they deserve a lifetime of honor for that feat! Their body will be in a lot of discomfort after birth. They can have overwhelming mom guilt if they aren’t in pure bliss or if they’re struggling to breastfeed.
The sleepless nights and endless days can cause an emotional rollercoaster that challenges her mental health, increasing her risk of postpartum depression. Yes, lack of sleep can do this — it’s a real issue.
A postpartum doula can help.
Postpartum doulas are trained and certified professionals qualified to assist parents with physical, emotional, and informational support regarding post-birth life and newborn care. Basically, postpartum doulas are fairy godmothers to the new parents, fulfilling the needs that arise in day-to-day new baby life.
The crazy thing? THIS support is not on most mom’s to-do lists before birth. It’s not on the baby registry. It should be the first thing after ‘car seat’ but it’s not. Why not?
There are three main reasons couples skip hiring a Postpartum Doula:
1. “I’m sure we can get through on our own.”
Yes, you will get through. Your baby will not be breastfeeding in the middle of the night forever, and she will learn to sleep through the night at some point.
But the question is, are you thriving or just surviving?
“Getting through” isn’t enough. Your partner and your baby (and your whole family) deserve more than just survival. You want to remember this vulnerable time in your life positively. The feeling of being overwhelmed shouldn’t be the norm. Support during this change is a basic need for every mother. Hiring a postpartum doula can provide that support. <schedule free consult here>
2. “We don’t want to spend the money.”
Yup, not hiring a postpartum doula most often comes down to the dollar. Moms often share with us how hard they’re struggling in their postpartum. That they could really use professional postpartum doula services. They need a listening, compassionate ear. And could use tips on infant sleep, breastfeeding, and a bunch of other stuff on how to transition into this new role as a mom.
But they don’t hire a postpartum doula because “My husband doesn’t want to pay for it.” This breaks our postpartum doula hearts because we know how awesome and caring your husbands and partners are! We know that if they understood everything involved, they’d say yes to additional help for mom and baby.
Here’s the truth: When the new mom in your life asks for help, she isn’t being weak or needy. Giving birth to a tiny human is the hardest thing she’ll ever do. Birth changes everything for her. The workload and the mental and emotional stamina required can be too much to handle on her own.
Financially investing in a new mom’s mental and emotional well-being is the best money ever spent for a couple. Showing her that she matters enough to invest in is a true act of respect. Honor her role as a mom and how she brought life into the world. Sometimes this comes with ensuring she has the support she needs at this stage and taking the burden off her by hiring a postpartum doula.
3. “We have family that will help when I go back to work.”
Okay, how can we put this? Family is great. But often family comes with loads of complex layers. Family around often actually causes more stress on the new mom. Imagine having your kitchen counters spilling over with a week’s worth of dishes and take-out boxes from DoorDash. Garbages haven’t been taken out in a week. Mom hasn’t showered for days. And she is barely dressed still learning how to breastfeed in her pajamas. <<<< THIS is the reality and oftentimes, family comes and they want to hold the baby. But really all you want is the garbage taken out without judgment!
This is a vulnerable space in time for new families. Many new moms feel uncomfortable asking for help from family. Or worse yet, they feel embarrassed by how things are and that they might be judged.
How Having a Postpartum Doula is Different Than Family Help
As Postpartum Doulas, we jump right in – knowing firsthand what the postpartum period looks like! It’s what we do. They come in with no judgment and loads of compassion for all you are holding. We don’t get our feelings hurt and we aren’t part of the family drama.
As postpartum doulas, we often hear the complaint, that the family just wants to come and hold the baby. And in reality, the mom just wants her dishes done and garbage taken out!
A Postpartum Doula Saves Time, Money, and Sanity
Lack of funds should never be the deciding factor when it comes to hiring a Vancouver, WA postpartum doula. If finances are an issue, payment plans can be worked out. We can even connect you to a less expensive in-training postpartum doula. In this postpartum stage, your partner’s feelings, mental health, and confidence in mothering are all too important to let finances hinder support. Ultimately, this care is not a luxury, but a right.
You’ve heard that age-old saying, “Happy wife, happy life”… It’s true. Providing proper support allows a mother to thrive in her postpartum. Dads often report a significant shift in family life and positivity levels when they hire a postpartum doula. This extra level of personal support allows renewed happiness to trickle down to the baby, mom, and dad. And it pays for itself again and again over time.
Dads Can Be A Hero
This is great news! Hiring a postpartum doula allows you to be her hero because it tangibly shows you understand her need for support. Consider these approaches:
- Maybe this means a confident, “YES, get the care you need, babe. I FULLY support this.”
- Maybe it’s you initiating the conversation and asking if she’d like the support. We promise you, she will feel so heard and valued.
- Perhaps when things are so overwhelming at home and she’s in tears and not doing well, you gift her with a night of sleep
When partners show this care and empathy in these ways, new moms feel incredibly loved, supported, and valued. This is such a gift you can give!
Postpartum support is a team effort — there’s a role for everyone. Mom and Dad are on the front lines. Postpartum doulas serve as helpful hands to lighten the load and create a more peaceful transition to parenthood. All so you know you are not alone. Reach out to schedule a free postpartum doula consultation in Vancouver, WA and Portland, Oregon.